So... this is 2015

I was really not in the mood and inspired as well to compose my Year-end traditional blog post. I was asleep all day, 'coz I got home late last night. I was chatting with a friend of mine a while ago, and I told him I have this "blogging duties" coz it is the last day of the year but I don't think I could do this, coz I am not really happy, or I am forcing myself to be happy. But he then told me to try doing it ala-Armi. "Gamitin mo yung masasamang experiences para makasulat ng maganda"

So here it goes...

I was assessing how my 2015 had been for a few days now. I'm recalling the happiest moments I had. But it seems that nangingibabaw yung "bad days" that lasts the longest. That was May. It hurts a lot to think that should you blame yourself to a certain thing that was accused to you as a mistake, but it isn't? Or you don't know that it was really a mistake and you ask yourself if it really is? But I believed that God only knows. If it really was my fault, then I should received my kind of punishment. The fact is, I really don't know. *deep breaths* I don't know how long should I wait for this to resolve. I always pray and hope that this thing must come to an end. The truth is, I can't move on with my life (career) decisions until the resolutions to this would came up. I am not the kind of person that was not brave enough to face these things, and even if they left me alone with this, I am willing to fight for this, as needed.

And, back to happy thoughts. (but paint me a sad face). Do I really forced myself to be happy all along? I've been to different out of towns with my friends, unplanned trips, and I ask myself if these was an escape? But it may be an escape or not, I am grateful for these moments. These just means that I could still live normally life want me to be.

This year has been a down turner. I aimed for happiness, to lessen those emotes, to live positively. But I did try. I tried to post less about my feelings on social media (is it good or is it bad?), I find other outlets that would make me happy. I go out with friends that I know would listen to me attentively and would support me all through out these. They made me forget things for a while and for as long as it seems good. I found things that I know would made me happy. One, is super-fan-ning ALDUB. I know, they're so addictive. For six months, I admit I've been stalking them every single day. My social media is alive because of them. I worked hard with my blog post for the past few months because I was inspired by the way Maine blogs. Call me a die hard fan and whatever. All I know is they made me skip the part of bearing to deal with things. They were like daily dose of happiness. Call this an escape, but 'di ba nga, Happiness is a choice.

I just thought, maybe those depressing things that I said hindered me to continue life with complete happiness. I was not able to achieve my 2015 life goals successfully, though but I still had a career (that has been very difficult to me, pero tyinaga ko na lang) and I have my family and friend and my bestfriends, and the people who loved and cared for me all year long. Siguro this is a way God is telling me to be contented in a simple way. Hindi naging madali ang lahat for this year. But I still pray and hope, for my family, best friends, and loved-one's good health, for a good career again this year (#NDP2016), and for the resolutions that I have longing. I had unfinished business for this year. It might not be a new chapter tomorrow, and it might be a continuation of yesterday. Patuloy akong mag-aantay ng "Tamang Panahon" para sa lahat ng ito. (oh di ba? ang lakas maka-Aldub? Ganoin!)

Para sa lahat ng nagpasaya, hindi nang-iwan, hindi nakalimot, patuloy akong sinamahan sa laban ng buhay at sumuporta sa akin ngayong taon, Salamat!

Sorry (again) for a down turner post. But don't you worry y'all. I'm okay, REALLY!


Some of the highlights of my 2015:

Hot Air Balloon Fest and Dinosaur Park at Pampanga; February 2015

Ilocos; July 2015

Palawan with MPHCLIC Family; March 2015

NDP Seminars

My 25th birthday celebration: http://maisanctuary.blogspot.com/2015/11/post-birthday-greetings-from-me.html

Pano-Sas Nuptials (First ever bridesmaid duties); May 2015

Christmas Parties 2015

So... HI 2016!

This feels like frustrating. I ask myself, why do I feel different among others? Why does it feels "right", but the "right" feeling seems to feel wrongly? That seems so easy, and I felt positive about that, but I should not feel confident about it. Is this wrong? Or am I being influenced by those down turners?

Today, I convinced myself to be happy whatever fate brings to me. I've done my best better. I know, I must not ease. What if I failed? Would it be another "paasa" moment? Look at them, they were not happy about it. But it feels bright. I am afraid that this feeling would last but I may not get what I expected. I might be doomed.

So how do I get over with this? Should I stay optimistic of this thought? Should I consider failure? I know, and I tell myself (and them as well) that I should trust and have faith. This is my key. This would be my only hope; the one thing that tells me that I should hang on. The only answer I got is prayers. By this time, I believed in destiny. If this would be mine, then, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! But if it's not, then... I really don't know.

I also hang on to this thought: if I feel this optimism, then something good might happen for, maybe or so, another week or few days. But if this feeling continues, and it failed, then I must be damned.

Lord, alam mo na po yuuuuun!

"Could somebody tell me how to get things back they way they used to be

Oh God give me a reason

I'm down on bended knees"