I feel so lost.
How does it feel to be happy again? How does it feel to become less emotional? How does it feel to stay positive all throughout?
...when in every time, it just brings you down?
I can't find the true meaning of "pagsubok lang yan, malalampasan mo din yan" or "just stay strong" , even the words "hindi mangyayari yun. Magtiwala ka lang." . I'm just tired of all those thoughts-turning-lies when even you turn things the other way, it will just turn as it is. Coz that's reality. I'm too tired to dream beautifully that when its time to wake up, there's reality. I'm too tired doing all those things, to pay attention, to do anything for their sake, but it will all turned out that I was still the one that had done it wrong. Ako yung may kasalanan. Ako yung may mali. While they seek justice, all this time I was judged.
Probably a few would see this, but no one will understand what I really feel. I am emotionally damaged, nearly clinically depressed, and waiting for my life to be taken out from me. Maybe that would be the answer for them to cease, and I am willing to give.
But you know what's worse? That you become this, and no one really cares. Maybe because they were too busy on their own, I was so annoying for them, or they knew nothing at all. It's ok. I am not here to bother. I don't need to be pitied, nor questioned. I told you, I was too tired.
I stay alone, crying without tears, bearing all the heavy weights in my heart, seeing things i do not want to see. You stay courageous but you're falling apart. You seek for that one person who was willing to stay by your side, without telling them what's the matter, but you expect so much, and you get no one in return. They might think I'm too crazy to be stressed in all this little things (as they see) but really, no one will understand, or no one was too willing to understand you. Because they do not need a pessimistic person like me on these days. I'm an attention seeker and I'm just a waste of time. So no one would really care.
Maybe it wouldn't bother anybody if I'll just stay away for a while (maybe forever. For justice). I don't know how to bring myself back from pieces. If I could bid farewell easily. It was easy to do but I'm too silly to do it. It will be better if I was just gone like in a snap. Yea, I was too suicidal, and I am so near on doing it.
I'm sorry if I can't stay positive as I had promised. I'm sorry if i wasn't able to fake a smile. I'm sorry for not being happy. I cannot fake myself. It seems like I am not that kind of person trying to please anybody. Believe me, I've been there. But it just doesn't work out. It would be better for me to seclude myself than trying to push it. Either way, nothing would benefit.
I am emotionally damaged. And I can't fake it.
How does it feel to be happy again? How does it feel to become less emotional? How does it feel to stay positive all throughout?
...when in every time, it just brings you down?
I can't find the true meaning of "pagsubok lang yan, malalampasan mo din yan" or "just stay strong" , even the words "hindi mangyayari yun. Magtiwala ka lang." . I'm just tired of all those thoughts-turning-lies when even you turn things the other way, it will just turn as it is. Coz that's reality. I'm too tired to dream beautifully that when its time to wake up, there's reality. I'm too tired doing all those things, to pay attention, to do anything for their sake, but it will all turned out that I was still the one that had done it wrong. Ako yung may kasalanan. Ako yung may mali. While they seek justice, all this time I was judged.
Probably a few would see this, but no one will understand what I really feel. I am emotionally damaged, nearly clinically depressed, and waiting for my life to be taken out from me. Maybe that would be the answer for them to cease, and I am willing to give.
But you know what's worse? That you become this, and no one really cares. Maybe because they were too busy on their own, I was so annoying for them, or they knew nothing at all. It's ok. I am not here to bother. I don't need to be pitied, nor questioned. I told you, I was too tired.
I stay alone, crying without tears, bearing all the heavy weights in my heart, seeing things i do not want to see. You stay courageous but you're falling apart. You seek for that one person who was willing to stay by your side, without telling them what's the matter, but you expect so much, and you get no one in return. They might think I'm too crazy to be stressed in all this little things (as they see) but really, no one will understand, or no one was too willing to understand you. Because they do not need a pessimistic person like me on these days. I'm an attention seeker and I'm just a waste of time. So no one would really care.
Maybe it wouldn't bother anybody if I'll just stay away for a while (maybe forever. For justice). I don't know how to bring myself back from pieces. If I could bid farewell easily. It was easy to do but I'm too silly to do it. It will be better if I was just gone like in a snap. Yea, I was too suicidal, and I am so near on doing it.
I'm sorry if I can't stay positive as I had promised. I'm sorry if i wasn't able to fake a smile. I'm sorry for not being happy. I cannot fake myself. It seems like I am not that kind of person trying to please anybody. Believe me, I've been there. But it just doesn't work out. It would be better for me to seclude myself than trying to push it. Either way, nothing would benefit.
I am emotionally damaged. And I can't fake it.
posted from Bloggeroid
