Isheshare ko sana ito sa isang pm with a friend, but then i thought, why not share it with the whole wide web. :)
Dear Alex, Break na kami. Paano?! Love, Catherine
This was a book written by Alex Gonzaga. Kita naman sa title di ba, na desperately need ko yung book, so mega search ako sa lahat ng nearest national bookstore. Keme kung wala pang sweldo. Basta kelangan mapasakamay ko. Kung sinu-sino pa dinamay ko maikot lang lahat ng National para sa book, but still failed. Been busy for a month that i forgot about it. Then, just a night ago, kakauwi ko lang sa bahay, about 11pm, i was about to change clothes ang prepare to sleep, pag open ko ng cabinet, i saw the brown paper bag na nakapatong sa mga damit ko. I thought it was just a paper bag that i kept (i mostly do, ewan ko), then nakita lo yung tatak, Powerbooks. Nagtaka nq kc never pa naman ako nakabili sa powerbooks. Pagtalikod ko nung paper bag, may Happy Birthday. Dali dali open ng paper bag, voila! The book. Grabe tili ako ng tili. The search is over ;)
I told myself na this book might be the answer to my heart issues. (See my previous blog about being brokenhearted) Sobrang aminado ako na bitter ako, and timing yung book na ito for me, i believe. Baka ito makapagpabago ng pananaw ko. I know i can survive this heartbreak, and its been 3 months, matagal na, and i should probably moving on, and this book might be the one who'll slap me with that thing.
Love, Lies and Heartbreak at Chapter 1
Compared kay Alex, isa lang ang naging excess baggage ko. Pero nakita ko yung sarili ko sa kanya, mga qualities n meron din ako like alex, at navisualize ko yung events sequence na nangyari din sa akin. Actually, kaya ko ding ilahat like alex kung what went wrong.
Should I stay or should I go?
She made me realize, though i am aware, that it was the right thing that we go our separate ways. Even i was really in the process of moving on, she elaborated more about what should i feel and what should not. What should i look forward, what questions i ask myself, finding out the answer to myself, in my own realization.
The survival guide
When that moment came, yes i've done things: i cried a lot, i wallowed, i go out with my friends, i told stories, bangkera ako, i shop, i go out with guys, lol. And i know until now andun pa din ako s process. I even gain my ego booster recently in a form of my guy bestfriend, but i hope this would not get me (or us) wrong. Its just i am overwhelmed that now, i have someone whom i can lean on and act like a pseudoboyfriend and make me feel that im still worthy and special to some other guy, which i never felt from my ex. Happy ako sa ganun...*
Walk with God: Faith, Hope and Love
Pero sa lahat ng tumatak sa akin from this book ay yung part of having a new relationship. A stronger relationship with much better, and that is with God. The relationship that will require communication but it'll be guaranteed constant. The relationship with trust, that He'll guide you and give you something according to His plans.
#LGMO
"Insecurities will eat you up. So I suggest you eat your insecurities and poopoo them"
Sabi ko nga, bitter ako. Dahil blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Wala akong narinig na masama against him or directly hitting me. Bitter ako sa fact na hindi nya nagawa sa akin yung ganito nung kami, na he let me feel like im nothing to him most of the time. Na bakit sa iba ganon yung nakikita ko, pero bakit sa akin walang ganun. Yung totoo, ano ba ako? Taas ng insecurities ko na nadala ko hanggang ngayon. The moment that they talked about him? I always talked like "wala namang kwenta yun." It was hard for me to accept but i know burdening it all will just bring the hurt all the way.
*Happy ako sa ganun...Joy versus Happiness
Take note of the happy. The book also made me realized to find and feel Joy, instead of just happiness. Happiness was just temporary superficial feelings, but Joy was superb pala. I can't determine the joy right now, dahil alam kong pagdadaanan ko din muna lahat bago ko makamit yun. Sa ngayon, I can afford to seek and find my happiness. I hope my joy was in process.
Ideals vs. Standards
I also learned ideals vs. standards. I saw guys and having bae crush on them, making them realize that they are my ideal kind of guy. But i once told my bestfriend: "ang gusto ko lang naman sa lalaki ay yung yayayain or sasamahan ako magsimba". That made me realize that standards are different from ideals and the first one is a big deal. Ang sarap sa feeling na alam mo na standards mo.
Reciprocating like a box of apples theory
I had problems with reciprocating in my past relationship. I had never done what was not done upon me. Before the relationship broke, i was once told that "sana ikaw yung kumilos, para narealize nya na mahal mo sya." But i think kahit hindi ko nagawa yun, it was still alright and i should not regret. Coz the book has told me that it takes two to tango, and a relationship is a give and take process, just like a box of apples you had and a box of orange he had, that you should share equally.
Getting up for The One
Upon closing the book, I made 3 promises to myself: vomit out the bitterness, seek for my joy, and to have a constant relationship with God. Mahirap pa sa ngayon na antayin or hanapin yung The One. Hindi ko na lang gustong iexpect at hindi ko iisipin kung sino yun. Alam kong si God lang yung makakapagdetermine kung sino sya. Kung katabi ko na ba sya or mamimeet ko pa lang sya. Kung soon na ba o malayo pa. Basta. I'll give the plans to Him. If I should love again, I know it'll be joy, but if I may deal another heartbreak someday, i know I'll mend again just like today.
