i am not getting good at these, especially in this English writing session of my blog. i am just good at spilling feelings with blah blah words that i will be always sorry for my barok words.
so here it comes...
i am not getting good at this, at these, at things, as i remembered how i fail to a challenge that i faced just a few days ago. a challenge to a dream of mine. 'twas like i am stepping on the first steep of a stair, then eventually i fall. it doesn't hurt that much because it may be too low. but having the thought of it a few days after? it d*mn hurts than i expect! isipin mo na lang yung feeling ng sugat na tinatahi, sa una hindi masakit, after a few mins or hours mo pa lang mararamdaman yung sakit.
for this time, i am blaming myself for not doing my best. instead of stressing and preparing for the next day, i just stare at the starry sky that night, hoping i could catch one. (dreamy me!). and because i am dreamy mode on, i am brainy mode off the next day. all is done. that day has come to a failure end. as how true these words stated: if you do no good, you won't receive better.
hindi nga lahat ng gusto mo ay makukuha mo. lalo na kung hindi mo ginagawa yung best mo. haaay sana lang kayang ibalik ang mga araw. I just pray that God has a better plan for me. I pray for another good chance. I always pray for success. then i wait. maybe He still want me to not waste my upcoming vacation. pero sana last na yun. i want my career to reach its pamumunga and harvesting season again. i can do more vacays naman the other time around.
and that's all with my another downer.
pasok pasok nanaman bukas. how i wish i could be finally free from this...
:(
...and as i was about to publish this post, i looked up to my another Chrome tab, seein' a blog post related to what i am writing tonight. he is indeed true to what he had said. lalo yata ako nalungkot, kasi sabi ko once na nai-post ko na ito, move on na, kaso nakita ko pa ito :(
but i do hope this served as a lesson and inspiration, or even just a something to be think of for a while.
goodnight. i'll be better. i promise.
"Hindi naman pwede lagi kang pumapasa, may mga times na babagsak ka rin"
-from Precept; RJ Naguit
Renessa, in one of our brief encounters, shared an anecdote about her co-worker in one of Manila's public hospitals. The co-worker was an honor graduate from the state university and became a placer in the board exams. With these in her stead, this co-worker of hers is expected to be working in a hospital of her own liking. She took the exam in PGH where they are currently working and for the first time in her life, she failed the qualifying exam. When asked about it, she said:
"Hindi naman pwede lagi kang pumapasa, may mga times na babagsak ka rin"
This is one of the anecdotes that I hold on to firmly when I feel down about work. I recently moved to a different company where my numbers are totally opposite from the previous company I worked for. Hindi naman pwede lagi ka pumapasa. Hindi naman pwede lagi kang magaling.
As I was on my way to work several days ago, a thought came to my mind. It was about an eagle. That even though an eagle's nature is to fly, an eaglet with its immature physiology will have a rough time doing so. You don't learn everything in an instant. It takes time and countless attempts to get familiarized and get the hang of it.I guess that's what I need to do, give myself time to learn and accept my limits.
