“Naniniwala ako sa Love, naniniwala ako someday may happy ending na lahat ng love story ng bawat tao sa buong mundo. Na wala ng iiyak, walang malulungkot, walang mag-iisa at wala ng masasaktan.
Pero sabi nga nila walang perpektong love story. Na mahal mo na, kaso may iba na, na handa kanang sagutin siya pero pagod na sa kakahintay. Yung sa sobrang andami mo nang iniintindi sa buhay nakalimutan mo ng may taong naghihintay sayo yung laging nag mamahal, laging umaasa na mapansin mo. Yung hinihling niya sana makasama ka habang buhay.”
– Jewel Greenland; My Super Fan Girl
Upon hearing this phrases from Jewel, grabe, parang nadudrog yung puso ko. Parang ako, nasa isang un-perfect love story. OR let’s just say wala pang love story? haha. Sounds desperate, right? Pero bakit may "heartbroken" na agad sa title ng blogpost ko kung wala pang love story?
Ever heard of what I called “one-sided love” oh, if you know, lagi akong nariyan sa state na yan. Sa lahat ng love, siguro masasabi kong yan na yung pinaka-bittersweet. So sweet in a sense of nararamdaman mong you still belong to a society wherein all the people around you are in love. Yung feeling na dahil in love ako, hindi ako out-of-place. Now, let us stress that ‘bitter’ out of that ‘bittersweet’ word: oo nga’t mahal mo, eh, siya ba mahal ka? (enlarging the ‘?’ to size 72)
Ramdam mo yung saya kapag kasama siya, kahit hindi kayong dalawa lang, yung basta andun lang siya. Yung magpapakipot ka pa ng slight kapag inaasar na kayo sa isa’t isa. Tapos, hindi kayo titigila kahit hindi kayo magkasama. Yung umaabot pa sa facebook ang lahat. Yung may auto-liker ka ng bawat status/post, at magko-comment-an pa kayo. Kahit hindi chat. Tapos, pag mapapadalas na, mapapansin mong nagiging sweet na siya sa’yo. Yung mga simple gestures na ginagawa niya, kahit may kasamang udyok ng mga kaibigan. Yung mga simpleng kwentuhan na kahit hindi mahaba, may mapag-usapan lang. Yung sobra sobrang pag-uudyok ng mga kaibigan na gawin ang isang bagay para dun sa isa. At pag andun ka sa moment na aalalahanin mo lahat ng nangyari, mapapangiti ka na lang.
Ooooops, tandaan: ipinagbabawal ang mag-ASSUME na may something between you, at mag-EXPECT na there would still be something that would happen between the two of you. Tanong: mapipigilan mo kaya?
May mga panahong ipu-push ka na ng mga kaibigan mo to him, ikaw naman gugustuhin din. Yung mga panahong magtatanong na sila kung nanliligaw na ba siya sa’yo (kakabahan na lang ako ng slight) pero hindi din siya sigurado sa sagot. Nahirapan akong mag-open up kahit gusto ko. Ayoko kasing maging isang babaeng nagbibigay motibo. Plus, I would never be so sure of what I am feeling if wasn’t even sure about his. Alam naman nating mahirap umasa, kaya wag paasahin ang sarili.
Yung tipong sisimulan nyo nang lumabas na kayong dalawa lang. mas gugustuhin mo pang isiping it will be just be called a simple bonding with a guy friend rather than calling it a date. Yung feeling na nakilala mo siya through his wants, his likes, what he does, almost every him. Yung sinabayan ko siya sa kung anong ginagawa niya pero hindi mo naman nagawa yung part mo. In just being a good listener to him, ayun, you didn’t have the guts to know what you really want to know. Feeling ko nga isang epic fail ang araw na yun. Oo nga nag-enjoy kami, but at the same time, it was still disappointing maybe even on his part. Kasi, yung feeling mo hindi siya nag-enjoy kasi hindi mo nakita na nag-enjoy siya? And because of that, feeling mo wala nang susunod pa (kasi feeling ko ang booring ko kasama sa ganyang lakaran. *sighs*)
Mas dinamdam ko pa yata ang pagiging epic fail companion ko, kesa sa nakakakilg sanang feeling kasi magkasama kayo. Yung alam mong may progress, pero pointless pa din? Naiintindihan kong una, kung may mangyayari man, hindi ko dapat madaliin ang mga bagay-bagay. Pangalawa, alam kong may mga lalaking hindi ganun ka-open with the things when it comes to that matter, unless he really likes the girl. Pangatlo, I don’t have the guts to initiate that matter. Hindi ko din kasi alam kung baka ma-offend siya or something…ugh! I really don’t know! Pero kung siya naman mag-iinitiate, I’ll share mine naman eh.
Yung na-stress ka na lang kakaisip pessimistically. It just all came to a point na ipinag-pray ko kay God yun. I was sorry for myself that all I had to do is to think of that matter that I had lost my focus to the things more importantly than that. I asked Him this: "Will you ever get angry at me if I broke my promise to You? ‘coz i like the feeling, though I’m not so sure and I would never will if he isn't rather. I want to shout na ayoko na, na ayoko nang mag-isip. If it (he) will be given to me, thank you so much. But if it is a no, sana po tulungan nyo akong matanggap yun sa sarili ko."
Sa sobrang lakas ko yata kay God dininig niya agad ang mga panalangin ko. Thanks to Him for ending my two weeks stressful thinking, with tears on my eyes. Seeing a status post on facebook that he was confessing his love to his girl really broke my heart. . Yung feeling na may tumatarak sa puso mo kasi nasaktan ka? That feeling na magbu-burst out yung tears mo pero pinipigilan mo. Salamat sa pagtila ng ulan nung gabing yun, ang tanging nagawa ko ay lumabas ng bahay para magpaload and to just call a friend saying the first word that came into my mouth: “paiyak”
Sa loob ng tatlaong araw ramdam ko yung sakit na dulot ng isang simpleng wall post, na kahit wala ako sa lugar eh naramdaman ko yun. Sa loob ng tatlong araw, kapag maalala ko yung bawat salita dun, isang luha ang katumbas. Ang babaw ng luha ko sa loob ng tatlong araw. Kaya nakakatawang isipin na nakabisado ko sya. haha. I was unsure of what I’ve felt toward him until I saw the post. yeah, I loved.
Andun ulit tayo sa moment of moving on. Andun din tayo sa moment where everyone was asking me why. Bakit hindi ako, bakit pa sya nagpakita ng ganun, what will I do… something like that. Sabi ko naman, siguro ako lang yung may pakiramdam na ganun, na through his gestures, baka interpretation ko lang alone yun, na he just have the sweet nature and we misinterpret it as pinopormahan or motive-giving something. It seems that (if I’m not mistaken) there's this girl whom he like, until I came, and the feelings were as same as with her, then he got confused. But in the end, it was still her and not me. Plus, hindi naman sya nagpost ng ganun para makapanakit ng feelings ng ibang tao, but rather to express and confess his love to someone. That is the privilege of having your own tab of “What’s on your mind?” on Facebook, right?
I prayed to God so hard. I told Him that I know that he always knew what I’ve felt. I asked for the strength to handle the situation and to let these hurt and frustrated feelings finally end.
Ramdam mo yung saya kapag kasama siya, kahit hindi kayong dalawa lang, yung basta andun lang siya. Yung magpapakipot ka pa ng slight kapag inaasar na kayo sa isa’t isa. Tapos, hindi kayo titigila kahit hindi kayo magkasama. Yung umaabot pa sa facebook ang lahat. Yung may auto-liker ka ng bawat status/post, at magko-comment-an pa kayo. Kahit hindi chat. Tapos, pag mapapadalas na, mapapansin mong nagiging sweet na siya sa’yo. Yung mga simple gestures na ginagawa niya, kahit may kasamang udyok ng mga kaibigan. Yung mga simpleng kwentuhan na kahit hindi mahaba, may mapag-usapan lang. Yung sobra sobrang pag-uudyok ng mga kaibigan na gawin ang isang bagay para dun sa isa. At pag andun ka sa moment na aalalahanin mo lahat ng nangyari, mapapangiti ka na lang.
Ooooops, tandaan: ipinagbabawal ang mag-ASSUME na may something between you, at mag-EXPECT na there would still be something that would happen between the two of you. Tanong: mapipigilan mo kaya?
May mga panahong ipu-push ka na ng mga kaibigan mo to him, ikaw naman gugustuhin din. Yung mga panahong magtatanong na sila kung nanliligaw na ba siya sa’yo (kakabahan na lang ako ng slight) pero hindi din siya sigurado sa sagot. Nahirapan akong mag-open up kahit gusto ko. Ayoko kasing maging isang babaeng nagbibigay motibo. Plus, I would never be so sure of what I am feeling if wasn’t even sure about his. Alam naman nating mahirap umasa, kaya wag paasahin ang sarili.
Yung tipong sisimulan nyo nang lumabas na kayong dalawa lang. mas gugustuhin mo pang isiping it will be just be called a simple bonding with a guy friend rather than calling it a date. Yung feeling na nakilala mo siya through his wants, his likes, what he does, almost every him. Yung sinabayan ko siya sa kung anong ginagawa niya pero hindi mo naman nagawa yung part mo. In just being a good listener to him, ayun, you didn’t have the guts to know what you really want to know. Feeling ko nga isang epic fail ang araw na yun. Oo nga nag-enjoy kami, but at the same time, it was still disappointing maybe even on his part. Kasi, yung feeling mo hindi siya nag-enjoy kasi hindi mo nakita na nag-enjoy siya? And because of that, feeling mo wala nang susunod pa (kasi feeling ko ang booring ko kasama sa ganyang lakaran. *sighs*)
Mas dinamdam ko pa yata ang pagiging epic fail companion ko, kesa sa nakakakilg sanang feeling kasi magkasama kayo. Yung alam mong may progress, pero pointless pa din? Naiintindihan kong una, kung may mangyayari man, hindi ko dapat madaliin ang mga bagay-bagay. Pangalawa, alam kong may mga lalaking hindi ganun ka-open with the things when it comes to that matter, unless he really likes the girl. Pangatlo, I don’t have the guts to initiate that matter. Hindi ko din kasi alam kung baka ma-offend siya or something…ugh! I really don’t know! Pero kung siya naman mag-iinitiate, I’ll share mine naman eh.
Yung na-stress ka na lang kakaisip pessimistically. It just all came to a point na ipinag-pray ko kay God yun. I was sorry for myself that all I had to do is to think of that matter that I had lost my focus to the things more importantly than that. I asked Him this: "Will you ever get angry at me if I broke my promise to You? ‘coz i like the feeling, though I’m not so sure and I would never will if he isn't rather. I want to shout na ayoko na, na ayoko nang mag-isip. If it (he) will be given to me, thank you so much. But if it is a no, sana po tulungan nyo akong matanggap yun sa sarili ko."
Sa sobrang lakas ko yata kay God dininig niya agad ang mga panalangin ko. Thanks to Him for ending my two weeks stressful thinking, with tears on my eyes. Seeing a status post on facebook that he was confessing his love to his girl really broke my heart. . Yung feeling na may tumatarak sa puso mo kasi nasaktan ka? That feeling na magbu-burst out yung tears mo pero pinipigilan mo. Salamat sa pagtila ng ulan nung gabing yun, ang tanging nagawa ko ay lumabas ng bahay para magpaload and to just call a friend saying the first word that came into my mouth: “paiyak”
Sa loob ng tatlaong araw ramdam ko yung sakit na dulot ng isang simpleng wall post, na kahit wala ako sa lugar eh naramdaman ko yun. Sa loob ng tatlong araw, kapag maalala ko yung bawat salita dun, isang luha ang katumbas. Ang babaw ng luha ko sa loob ng tatlong araw. Kaya nakakatawang isipin na nakabisado ko sya. haha. I was unsure of what I’ve felt toward him until I saw the post. yeah, I loved.
Andun ulit tayo sa moment of moving on. Andun din tayo sa moment where everyone was asking me why. Bakit hindi ako, bakit pa sya nagpakita ng ganun, what will I do… something like that. Sabi ko naman, siguro ako lang yung may pakiramdam na ganun, na through his gestures, baka interpretation ko lang alone yun, na he just have the sweet nature and we misinterpret it as pinopormahan or motive-giving something. It seems that (if I’m not mistaken) there's this girl whom he like, until I came, and the feelings were as same as with her, then he got confused. But in the end, it was still her and not me. Plus, hindi naman sya nagpost ng ganun para makapanakit ng feelings ng ibang tao, but rather to express and confess his love to someone. That is the privilege of having your own tab of “What’s on your mind?” on Facebook, right?
I prayed to God so hard. I told Him that I know that he always knew what I’ve felt. I asked for the strength to handle the situation and to let these hurt and frustrated feelings finally end.
…
If someone would still ask me if how am I today? I’m okay and we’re okay. No hard feelings. Hindi na kasi ako naniniwala na kelanagn mong maging bitter sa isang tao para maka-move on. Besides, he haven’t done anything that given me the reason to be bitter. Enough with those melodramas. . Oo hindi nga ganun kadali ang mag-move on from what happened. But I feel so silly na ngumawa ako ng ganun, na hindi ko nagawa when I had the same feeling with other guys. (What have I done I’m sooo SILLY! Hahaha gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!)
Hindi ko alam if darating pa yung panahon for us with this guy. But for now, mas magiging kuntento ako for having a guy friend na kahit basag na basag ako sa tuwing pang-aalaska sa akin kapag magkasama kami. Atleast, wala akong stress to think what’s in store kasi I finally knew the situation Pero that kilig feeling I had with him is just enough to prove that I had experienced happiness. Feelings changed, but memories don’t.
Tiis ganda plus nganga na lang muna ako ulit dito sa gilid.
If someone would still ask me if how am I today? I’m okay and we’re okay. No hard feelings. Hindi na kasi ako naniniwala na kelanagn mong maging bitter sa isang tao para maka-move on. Besides, he haven’t done anything that given me the reason to be bitter. Enough with those melodramas. . Oo hindi nga ganun kadali ang mag-move on from what happened. But I feel so silly na ngumawa ako ng ganun, na hindi ko nagawa when I had the same feeling with other guys. (What have I done I’m sooo SILLY! Hahaha gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!)
Hindi ko alam if darating pa yung panahon for us with this guy. But for now, mas magiging kuntento ako for having a guy friend na kahit basag na basag ako sa tuwing pang-aalaska sa akin kapag magkasama kami. Atleast, wala akong stress to think what’s in store kasi I finally knew the situation Pero that kilig feeling I had with him is just enough to prove that I had experienced happiness. Feelings changed, but memories don’t.
Tiis ganda plus nganga na lang muna ako ulit dito sa gilid.
